used the train wreck I had made of my life and my marriage to restore me to the right path.
I don't want to reiterate too much of that entry, which for those who have some sort of perverse fascination with self-inflicted torment can be read here.
Rather with this new writing venture of mine, I hope to elaborate on my personal journey of doubt, faith, and spiritual discovery since May of this year.
I want to retrace the mental steps which I took to get where I stand today,
to re-evaluate my current position(s) on various issues of faith, to test again the validity of the theological framework which I have adopted, and hopefully to do so in a way that is readily accessible to those who are interested in sharing this journey with me.
Sometime in the fall or winter of 2012, I began devouring as many books and online resources on the
study of apologetics as I possibly could. What originally prompted me to do so does not immediately
come to mind. All I know is that I was earnestly motivated by a zeal to learn the things about my
faith and my religion which I did not know.
I wanted answers to the questions of doubters and skeptics.
And I wanted answers for my own edification.
So I studied vigorously.
What time I had away from work, when my wife was not around, I was reading
and attempting to sharpen my mind. Those pursuits have had a definite positive impact on my mental
acuity and on my knowledge of various topics.
They also had some negative consequences, which I shall discuss shortly either in this entry or in others.
I made 'Spirit of Liberty' in February of 2013, and began writing with sincerity from my heart; motivated in no small part by the deep studies which I was still conducting throughout that time period. I also had begun expanding outside of my normal social comfort zones.
I began to approach people both inside and outside of my workplace to converse with them and
find out their opinions and thoughts on matters of spirituality and religion; morality and ethics.
As part of this process, I also began engaging in sustained online discourse with people of all persuasions on several forums: atheists, agnostics, taoists, and all sorts in-between.
These discourses helped me immensely.
They helped me not just to understand my fellow human beings and their motivations more fully,
but they also held up a mirror to expose some critical flaws in my own behaviors and thinking.
This is a point which I hope to also explore in sum a little later.
In May of this year, my world was turned upside down when my wife of eight years told me that she wished to separate our living conditions.
In the process of dealing with this surprising and devastating blow, I feel that the
Lord has led me step-by-step through the emotional and mental suffering involved, into a closer relationship not only with Him, but also with my wife.
I love her now more than I ever have in my life.
I love the Lord now more than I ever have in my life.
I love my fellow human beings more than I ever have in my life.
More importantly, God has revealed flaws in my character which I would have never seen without the pain involved in the process.
God has healed areas of my life which I probably could have never overcome without anguish.
And my comprehension of theology has also been completely revised in the intervening period of six months in a way that I would never have expected, but in a way that has brought fulfillment, meaning, and peace to my soul.
This, in essence, is my purpose for writing this new blog.
I did not feel that it would be sufficient for me to simply continue 'Spirit of Liberty' on such a drastically different course.
I am not even the same person mentally and spiritually as I was when I began that project.
Such a dramatic conversion in philosophy and ideas demands a new beginning.
A clean slate, if you will.
Before I say any more, I feel it necessary to beg of you, my reader your patience and your open mind in reading what follows in as many entries as the Lord leads me in writing.
I implore you only that you do not dismiss what I write out of hand without at least giving me the human decency and courtesy of honestly and openly examining these issues from the Scripture and from the witness of the Spirit upon your conscience with all due diligence.
I am not a professional writer, theologian, philosopher, scholar, or critical thinker.
Before you look down on anything which I say with a disparaging gaze, please know that I am not
any of these things, and make no claims to have the entirety of the truth in my grasp.
In fact, as you will shortly see, I believe that to claim with certainty that one is completely right
and everyone else is completely wrong is a very dangerous position to hold.
I am merely a human being standing before my Maker with hopefulness in my heart.
I have been told that I express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions with forcefulness
and vivid evocative imagery. Let me preface this work by asking for your forgiveness
if I unintentionally offend or hurt you in any way with what I share from my own
personal struggles and journey. Please understand that is never my intention.
The title of this blog is 'Reasonable Doubt', which many will promptly take to be me tendering my
resignation to the community of my fellow Christians and waving my sorrowful farewell to the brotherhood.
Doubt can be a very good thing however.
In fact, I believe that doubt taken in the right context almost always
carries with it the attitudes of humility and spiritual poverty which Jesus spoke highly of in His sermon on the mount.
After all, one cannot behave with haughtiness and arrogance when one is not certain that one is right.
It is in this spirit of humility, that I hope to begin this project.
Let us proceed then, with this attitude in us which was also in Christ Jesus, and test all of the important issues of faith to come with the spirit of the Bereans.
(1Th 5:21) But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good;
God bless you.
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